My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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