Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize