how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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