OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
