Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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