Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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