Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
