sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
