I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
