In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
