WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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