I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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