Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can feel your judgement through the phone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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