Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
