i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
