You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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