i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize