New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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