I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
