The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
