I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
