Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
