hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
