His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
