'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
