The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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