i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
