Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
