Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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