If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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