But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
