great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize