i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
