the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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