Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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