he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
