Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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