You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize