the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can text with my tongue
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
