Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
