The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
