New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
