You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
