Barsexuality is the new black.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
