Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
