I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
