idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
