you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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