My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize