meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've blown a few things in my day
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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