Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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