youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
