I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize