I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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