I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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