and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
