My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
