that's an acceptable place to lick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i need some magic done to my vagina
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