i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
