Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
