nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
