I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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