Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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