you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
