i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
