fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
