a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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